Saturday, March 26, 2016

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Three primary things will be going through my mind as i sit down in the theater

1)Zack Snyder cannot direct a cohesive narrative. I'm not sure what gene or synaptic cluster he lacks, but the man does not know how to keep a thread going from beginning to end. He's all about setpieces, little details, and posturing. It's kinda like when you zoom into a detail in photoshop and start cleaning it up, but then you zoom out and realize that the detail no longer fits with the overall picture? Except he never zooms out, he just hops from detail to detail, polishing them all up and, i guess, hoping for the best?

2)Ben Affleck cannot act. Whenever i watch him i can feel him suppressing- or occasionally failing to suppress- a grin that says "omg they're still letting me act in movies! big ones!" he's like William Hurt's character in Broadcast News, constantly thinking "What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?" Like, he seems like a fun guy to have at parties, perfectly charming, don't get me wrong. But everything he does feels like a first draft, and rather then refine the writing, he just bolsters it by putting in a big, bold, stilted font. 

3)Frank Millers ideas dont really resonate outside of the medium of comics. Imagery, yes, but narratives, no. Frank Miller is kind of like the meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs. Sure, it had a massive impact and was arguably a necessary force for evolution, but it wasn't like, GOOD. 
And Zack Snyder is a cinematic Frank Miller.

I'm sure it'll be cool to see a Batman who MOVES instead of a Batman who poses. And I'm sure there'll be a couple interesting ideas in there, but neither will be well developed or delivered. 

And I'm sure Snyder will do the same thing Abrams and others have done, lift story points that worked in the source material because they were the result of YEARS of development, and not bother to develop them HERE. Think of the Spock death in Khan, which Abrams not only rushed to the screen too soon, as these iterations of the characters barely knew each other, but then botched further by swapping the sacrificier/sacrificee cuz "who cares, right? All that matters is confronting audience expectations!"

The majority of the time I'll be lulled into a pop-coma by the CMYK Gravitas. So I'll probably shift gears, put on my metatextual goggles, and try to suss out how deep the Post 9-11 metaphor goes. We know the end of Man of Steel was 9-11 porn, we know Batman is Dick Cheney ("if there's a ONE percent Chance we have to take it as ABsolute CErtainty!"), but past that, like who is Superman in this? I guess he's Bin Laden? Or Saddam? who then becomes a hero? That doesnt' really work. Who's Wonder Woman? Who's Lois? Who's Lex "not the Joker" Luthor? I'll walk out with a muddled community college level thesis.

Pre-View Review  Score: D

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