Monday, January 31, 2011

The Hangover

I won't be looking forward to this one. Then I'll realize my bar is set so low, that I might actually be surprised by it. But THAT realization will mean my bar is re-set slightly higher - assuming I'm going to get SOME enjoyment out of. At which point, I'll have to adjust my expectations lower, again.

But then I'll remember that a lot of people I know - people who would not normally like this film - liked it. Then I'll think, "Yeah, but THEY went into it not expecting to like it! So if I go in thinking I'll enjoy it..."

And thus, I will enter into a cycle of cyclicality. A Carousel of Expectations, if you will.

My thoughts on this movie will remain SO ambivalent and in flux - yo-yo-ing up and down - that it will be merely a matter of chance and random luck if I actually enjoy this film at all. (The same kind of luck you experience when jumping onto a real moving carousel and find that you've been skewered in the back by the horn of the one wooden, ride-on unicorn that most of those rides include, for the more "fantasy-minded" of children. (e.g., "Wow, there was such little chance of this happening and yet my spleen is now a kabob.")

Look, people. This is a lose/lose situation for me, anyway. If I don't like it, well: a) Everyone'll just say "You don't like anything, Jeff" and make my heart hurt because I realize my friends believe I am dead inside or b) I'll still have wasted 100 minutes of my life.

But, as I've always said that, "I don't like 'those kinds' of movies", and I DO like it, I'm a traitor to my own mind.

So, in the end, no matter if I like this movie or not, whenever in conversation the subject of this movie come up, I will be forced to say, "The Hangover? Nah. I never saw it."


BUY IT: The Hangover at Amazon

Friday, January 28, 2011


During this movie, I will have only one thought: "How did I end up here?"


BUY IT: Devil at Amazon

The Day of the Triffids [Book - 1951]

Being a new John Wyndham fan, since very recently having  read "The Midwich Cuckoos" and "The Kraken Awakes", I will attack this book with gusto before remembering that those previously-read works all ended rather terribly. (For the characters, not the reader.)

So, I'll try and adjust my mindset - to be ready for the worst. In the back of my mind, I will be saying "this won't end well", but will still have an even deeper hope that I am wrong. (I won't be.)

Also taking place in my brain will be the effort to reconcile the events in the book with the filmed version from 1962 - even though I saw that version over 20 years ago and don't remember a single thing from it. "Do I remember this character?" "Do I remember the plants (for I DO remember the villains are plants!) looking as described?" "DO I remember the locations? Names? Action? No and No and then No No No will be the answers, but I'll continue to try and remember. This distraction might possibly be a disservice to the book, but I won't be able to help myself.

Even now, I have a fuzzy mental image of a washed-out, too-blue too-green frame of film of someONE running from someTHING. Therefore, I will read this book in the faded colors of a 60's sci-fi B-movie. So that's pretty cool.


BUY IT: The Day of the Triffids at Amazon

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Despite (or because of) warnings to not raise my expectations, I will find this to be the best Resident Evil movie released in the last couple of years. It will perfectly fit the Resident Evil-shaped void in my soul that has been growing larger with each passing day that I don't see a Resident Evil movie.

At least once during the movie, I will turn to my wife and say, "I'm really glad that Milla Jovovich decided to embrace being an action movie star." I might then try to equate her to a young Sigourney Weaver. I might, then, launch into a "bit" about how weird "Sigourney" is, as a name. (Though I will only do so if it is a slow part of the film. But, c'mon! Look at that poster over there ---> Does that look like the poster of a film which will go more than 30 seconds without action?)

Any failings I find the movie to have, I will write off as my own fault for neglecting to see the film as the director intended: In 3D. 


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

TRON: LEGACY (2010) [T's PRE-view Review]

When the first footage for this TRON: LEGACY movieshow leaked, i was unimpressed. everyone i knew got angry at me. they yelled at me for hating everything. they threw fruit at me.
More footage leaked. More boring, dull visuals were offered. This lead me to suspect the story would be equally dull. but i was at least going to give it a chance. Jeff Bridges can't be all bad. I offered this altered opinion forth. It wasn't good enough. More anger from friends. More fruit thrown. I was pantsed.

Tron will live up to my expectations. And i'll throw fruit at everyone i know.